STULTZ: A serious (and not serious) question for all 16 SEC coaches

The 2024 SEC Media Days have arrived, and, as always, the head coaches will be peppered with questions ranging from the most tedious to outrageous. That got me thinking: what if I could ask each of the 16 coaches a serious and not-so-serious question if I had a moment with them?

Since I won't be attending media days in Dallas, I won't get my shot, but I figured I could write them out in case any of them are reading this. (I'm joking.)

Without further ado, here are two questions for the 16 SEC head football coaches.

Serious - "Are you crazy thinking you can fill the shoes of arguably the greatest coach in college football history?"

Not Serious (Sort of) - "No, seriously. Are you crazy?"

Serious - "How can you win a fan base back that seemed to check out on you last season?"

Not Serious (Sort of) - "You do realize Bobby will ultimately backstab you, right?"

Serious - "What's the feeling in the facility now that you and your offensive staff are back using the same lingo and language, unlike last year?"

Not Serious (Sort of) - "Who is older: you or Luke Deal?"

Serious - (Stares at him with a sad face) "Oh, buddy. Oh, buddy, buddy, buddy. I'm so sorry."

Not Serious (Sort of) - What is the square footage of your house in case I want to buy in Gainesville?"

Serious - "How do you keep your players from getting complacent considering the massive amount of success?"

Not Serious (Sort of) - "Have you considered putting governors on your players' cars?"

Serious - "Did you ever think you would be the longest-tenured coach in this conference?"

Not Serious (Sort of) - "Aren't you glad John Calipari is gone? You won, buddy!"

Serious - "How have you transitioned to the Southeast after being north of the Mason-Dixon Line all of your life?"

Not Serious (Sort of) - "Can you do an Irish jig for us?"

Serious - "How difficult is it to come into a program mostly built for an Air Raid offense and change that to your and your offensive coordinator's scheme?"

Not Serious (Sort of) - "Who, exactly, are you?"

Serious - "How do you temper the expectations for Missouri after such a breakout season last year?"

Not Serious (Sort of) - "Do people mistake you for their accountant? Also, can you do my taxes?"

Serious - "What, in your opinion, is the biggest difference between the SEC and Big 12?"

Not Serious (Sort of) - "How sick do you get of hearing Boomer Sooner?"

Serious - "What would it feel like to take Ole Miss to its first SEC Championship Game?"

Not Serious (Sort of) - "Where's your dog? I want to pet him."

Serious - "With all of the talent in the state of South Carolina, why have the Gamecocks always been an underwhelming program?"

Not Serious (Sort of) - "Robby Ashford? Really? That's the answer?"

Serious - "Do you like Tony Vitello?"

Not Serious (Sort of) - "Tell us the truth!"

Serious - "Do you think Texas can compete for SEC and national titles now that you are in a stronger conference?"

Not Serious (Sort of) - "Why are you such a baby about the Horns Down thing? Grow up."

Serious - "How do you handle the epic-sized expectations for A&M in only your third year as a head coach?"

Not Serious (Sort of) - "You know you can do nothing for two years, no recruiting, no form of coaching, and get a pretty good buyout, right? We call that the Bryan Harsin Con.

Serious - "What would a successful season look like for Vanderbilt this season?"

Not Serious (Sort of) - "Nashville is overrated. Oh, I don't have a question."