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December 25, 2007
Butch v. Tommy - Holiday Bowls - Week Two
Santa arrived early for Tommy and left some gifts for him in Week One and Butch is happy because a] it is the holidays, b] he is full of nog and c] it is what Tommy deserves. Tommy has been a good boy this year - fulfilling his obligation and losing to Butch - so Santa rewarded him with a shiny new toy robot and a gift Vegas Bowl win. Plus - he is above the .500 "Tommy Line" for the first time since cheese was invented! Good for Tommy! Now we enter the Nog Zone of holiday bowl game season - Week Two - where we are battered by bowl game after bowl game until New Year's Day, when the final barrage begins. Let's see if Tommy and Santa have signed a pre-nuptial agreement for Week Two...
Tommy: For Tommy, it's a victory when he's not hopelessly behind after one week. Now the Skirted One is ready to hit his stride and to leave Butch in the dust. Happy nogging, O Furry One!
Butch: Another ladle of nog all around! It's the holidays, Tommy and we all live in Bedford Falls for the week [the good Bedford Falls, not that other one, although we still get to gamble in the good one], so Butch is not distraught that Tommy has a lead or even that he might leave him in the dust - as long as it's nog mix dust. More nog for Rudolph, his nose isn't red enough yet!
"Ted Nugent" Motor City Bowl
Central Michigan v. Purdue (-4)
Tommy: Why are we having this conversation? Didn't the Boilers already smoke CMU? Color Tommy uninterested. Your Typical Mediocre Big Ten Team-45, Thank You Sir, May I Have Another?-22.
Butch: Exactly, Tommy, and this isn't like that other rematch [BYU-UCLA] where they are test-driving a new head coach. Butch takes Purdon't to win and cover.
Holiday "Nog" Bowl
Arizona State v. Texas (-2.5)
Tommy: Sure, the Devils haven't beaten a ranked team, but both of the ranked teams that they lost to were far better than the Horns. Time for Dennis to show that he's a far better game day coach than Mack. Sun Satans-30, Bring Back Vince Young-27.
Butch: Tommy is a Satan worshipper on X-mas! Heathen! Outcast! Texas hates the Holiday Bowl, they feel it is beneath them, but they like to win. They are truly on the Horns of a dilemma. Butch thinks they like to win more than they are indifferent about San Diego and takes Texas to win and cover.
"Wide World Of" Sports Bowl
Michigan State v. Boston College (-3.5)
Tommy: Wow. This is going to be a big one between two boring teams. About as exciting as a trip to the in-laws. Tommy will deal with both situations in the same way: by hitting the bottle. By the way, Eagles cover. How Were They Ever #2?-24, We Beat Notre Dame, Too-17.
Butch: It is like the college bowl people first decided how they could ruin college football ["Eureka! - put sponsor names in front of everything!"] then decided to make it worse by inviting mediocre teams from the Big 11 to clog everybody's arteries with indifference. Butch wakes up from his nap long enough to take BC to win and cover because that's what they always do in bowl game season.
"Sandy Claws" Texas Bowl
Houston v. TCU (-4)
Tommy: Let me get this straight. The underachieving Frogs are giving up four points to a team that is essentially playing a home game. Tommy ain't buyin'. The Cougs move the ball against everyone, and TCU will be no exception. Bring Back Andre Ware-30, Bring Back Sammy Baugh-24.
Butch: Never trust fake Cougs, Tommy - that's the moral of this story. Butch learned that the hard way with this particular species of fake Cougs. Butch takes TCU to win and cover.
Emerald "Nuts" Bowl
Maryland v. Oregon State (-4.5)
Tommy: This is the gimme of the bowl season. The Beaver defense is going to eat the bad Terp O alive, and it's a proven fact that beavers eat turtles. Gross, but true. We Eat It All But The Shell-28, Turtle Soup-10.
Butch: Butch likes crab cakes, but not enough to bet the farm on them. Butch takes OSU to win and cover.
Meineke "Lube Job" Bowl
Wake Forest (-2.5) v. Connecticut
Tommy: Who cares? Last Year's ACC Champs-24, Basketball School-20.
Butch: Nobody on the West coast, that's for sure. Butch took Wake last year, so, just for fun, let's switch it up this year and take UConn to cover.
"Do Not Give Me" Liberty Bowl
Mississippi State v. Central Florida (-3)
Tommy: Not a lot of respect for the mighty SEC here. This ain't gonna be the prettiest game in the world, but UCF will find a way because the Bulldogs' offense is that bad. The Knights will win by six, and then George O'Leary will write that they won by 21 on his resume. Lowly C-USA-18, Powerful SEC-12.
Butch: Central Florida has swamps - as Butch is to understand from his geography - while Mississippi State has, uh, swamps and humidity. Wait UCF has that too dang! Okay, well, Mississippi has too many "i"'s and as everybody knows - there is no "i" in team, so Butch takes UCF to win and cover.
"Forget The" Alamo Bowl
Texas A&M v. Penn State (-5.5)
Tommy: There's no D in A&M. Plus the great and illustrious career of sure Hall of Famer Anthony Morelli is coming to a close, and you know he will dominate the game. He surely lived up to his lofty billing. Now that Tommy's back from his acid trip, he'll go with the Lions. Our Coach Is Old-31, Our Coach Got Canned-17.
Butch: Butch watched Mary Poppins the other night and - he swears - she said there is no way in "supercallifragilistic-texpialidocious" that A&M can beat the Old Man. They will need a lot more than a spoonful of sugar, baby! Butch swears this is what he heard - so he must go with the Nitts to win and cover.
Independence "Holiday Fruitcake" Bowl
Colorado v. Alabama (-3.5)
Tommy: More bad juju for the SEC, to be favored to barely beat a 6-6 Buffs team. There's a reason for that. Tommy says that the game almost hits the spread on the dot, with CU getting the cover. Will Alabama Fans Meet Saban At The Airport Now?-20, This Ain't Intramurals, Brother-17.
Butch: What? Did we forget a bowl game? Well, let's just cram these two teams in one then - nobody will notice when one of them wins and the loser will really be a loser. There is no good reason for anyone to care about the outcome of this game and it is the undisputed Toilet Bowl of the season. Butch takes Colorado to cover because he could care less.
Bell "Armed Weapon" Bowl
Air Force v. California (-5.5)
Tommy: I'm not sure why everyone's down on the Bears. After all, they only collapsed down the stretch and embarrassed themselves. Between the finishes for Cal and UCLA, Tommy just can't stop laughing. Not sure why, but I think the Bears will come through. Maybe I've been nogging. Averse To Prosperity-28, Back To Serving The Country-23.
Butch: Cal lost to Stanford, Tommy! Can you believe that!? Stanford - of all teams! The Trees! Oh, oops sorry for bringing up bad memories, Tommy .Butch, needless to say, has not been impressed with the Bears' intestinal fortitude this year and even less so with their team, and takes the Fly Boys to cover.
Fresno State v. Georgia Tech (-6)
Tommy: Too many points for a team that just got their coach fired, and against a team that prides itself on beating the big boys. Tommy goes with Pat Hill, who actually looks like a Bulldog. Fresneck State-26, Can't Beat Any Teams With Bulldog Mascots-20.
Butch: Tommy - the only bowl-bound team Fresno State beat this year was Nevada - and you saw how they fared, right? Butch rests his case and takes Georgia Tech to win and cover.
Brut-"al" Sun Bowl
South Florida (-6.5) v. Oregon
Tommy: The Ducks didn't do too bad offensively against a solid Beaver defense in their last game. Don't get me wrong, they're not going to win with Mr. Roper at QB, but Tommy says they keep it close, now that the Bullotti has tricked UCLA into helping get him a raise. New Nouveau Riche-27, Old Nouveau Riche-24.
Butch: Butch has a YouTube video of everybody on the seven continents - including a chunk of ice from Antarctica and an inanimate piece of furniture from South America - attempting to play QB in their offense instead of Dennis Dixon. It's a good video, Tommy, you should give it a whirl and maybe you'll change your tune. Butch takes USF to cover in a rout.
Music City "Cheater" Bowl
Florida State v. Kentucky (-3)
Tommy: I wonder why UK is favored over a team with so much talent. Could it be because half of Florida State's team got caught cheating and is out? Nah, it's got to be the injuries of those 36 guys. They would never cheat. We Own LSU-28, Gutless Administration-10.
Butch: Cheaters never prosper - well, in the year in which they are caught cheating anyway, right? Butch takes Ken-Yucky to win and cover.
Insight "Who Cares?" Bowl
Indiana v. Oklahoma State (-4)
Tommy: One team is playing for a fallen coach, the other for a loudmouth coach who wants you to know that he's a man of the age of 40. Tommy will take the team with a more noble cause. This One's For Hep-31, That's Garbage-30.
Butch: If your bowl game has a child and comes home crying because he's fat or dropped a pass in his pickup bowl game, then you would understand. Wait, that ain't right. A 6-6 team in a bowl game? Makes Butch want to puke. Butch takes Indy to win and cover.
Peach "Currently Known By Some Sponsor" Bowl
Auburn v. Clemson (-2)
Tommy: Watching the pitiful Auburn offense against a dominant Clemson defense should be hilarious. A Bowden is going to keep on hammering Auburn, but this time he'll be on the opposite sideline. Love Those Purple Uniforms-24, Isn't There A Poll To Name Them People's Champ For This Year-10.
Butch: Clemson actually gets to play in a bowl game instead of fighting with South Carolina, so Butch figures they like that experience better and picks the Tigers to win and cover.
Overall [so far]: 4-2
Overall [so far]: 3-3
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